How To Meet People In The Swinging Lifestyle
So, how to meet people in the swinging lifestyle? It’s one of those questions we all ask when we want to give this swinging thing a go but we’re not sure where to start? If you’re new to the lifestyle, it can be really intimidating to try and find other likeminded people- especially if you’re not really sure if it’s a good fit for you as a couple.
When the Sir and I started into the lifestyle, we made the mistake of immediately searching for swinger/sex clubs in our area, thinking that would be the best way to get started. The sites looked really shady (we were in a Midwest city) with animated gifs of women stripping on poles and comic sans fonts and we were pretty sure it was just a lure to get murdered.
The search results for “swinger clubs” in our area on Google were just scary enough to make us walk away from learning more for a good six months. Luckily though, we found Life on the Swingset and made a commitment to listen to some of their episodes geared for newbie swingers, and it was approachable enough to help us give it another try.
So, how do you meet people as a swinger? Here are the five ways swingers find each other:
1. Swinger Dating Sites: You can find people on a variety of dating sites, including OKCupid, but I wouldn’t recommend that outlet for beginners. Our favorite has been Kasidie.com– but there’s also SwingLifeStyle. You can set up a profile to tout your preferences and find both couples, parties and clubs in your area.Our favorite thing about Kasidie has been the community and event functions.It can be intimidating to start going after couples cold turkey, before you even know what you really want (full swap vs. soft swap, or what your other playtime preferences are)- so I would encourage any shy folks to join up in the forums, or attend a local event.Girls Uncorked is a ladies networking group that happens every month in a variety of cities on Kasidie, and it’s a great way to meet other ladies (there are nights fellas are invited) in the lifestyle without the pressure of having to put out.
If you’re not quite ready to pull the trigger on the lifestyle and are worried about feeling pressured at events, you can dip your toes in the water first by networking online in forums and in-person at social events- there’s no sex, just socializing.
2. Local Meetups: Yep, there’s a Meetup for just about everything. Meetup.com usually houses some Poly/Open Relationship groups which might end up being your speed if you’re not ready for clubs or dating other couples.Meetup.com is a favorite of ours for more vanilla purposes, but we’ve heard great things about the Meetup groups in some of the larger urban areas like Chicago and Minneapolis.
3. Local Clubs: Yes, they notoriously have terrible websites, and they seemingly all are designed in the early 2000’s and have animated GIFs to match. Don’t be intimidated- they appear pretty seedy, but in our experience, they’ve been find. Some even have Yelp reviews (I shit you not!) that will help you know you’re in a legit club.Of course, clubs typically come with membership fees- so if you’re not sure if it’s right for you- come on Newbie Night, which is free, and should be listed on their site, or their corresponding Kasidie profile. At clubs, you can expect to play, but you don’t have to.
We’ve had nights where we simply dance, chat up other couples, or head to the play area for rompage with each other. Depending on the club, there are typically private play areas, public spots and fun things like sex swings, Liberator sex furniture or a Sybian (google this if you don’t know what it is!).
4. Sexy Vacations: If you’re looking to meet other couples and you’re not really sure you want to run into them at the grocery store- you can stay even more anonymous by using your next vacation for swinging time. Believe it or not, there are actually resorts that are set up for sexy, adult play. (Okay, maybe I was in a friggin’ cave but I was surprised!).
These resorts are “clothing optional,” and can have public areas for play, as well as gift shops that are stocked with adult treasures (at a lovely, steep resort price!) As of this writing, we haven’t been- but we have a trip planned for November! Resorts can vary in the type of experience you’ll get, but you can check out Desire, or Hedonism to get an idea.
5. Big Ol’ Gatherings: To get into someone’s house party, you typically need to be invited, which requires a bit of networking up front. To get into a bigger party though, you need only know where to go, and luckily you don’t need a personal invitation from a friend. If you’re looking for likeminded swingers, you can check out some of the larger events that are hosted in destination cities- such as Naughty in Nawlins.Other events can be found on Kasidie for your area- and are usually hosted in bigger cities like Las Vegas, Houston, Chicago or Miami.
We’ve seen everything from big ol’ boat rides with a “naughty nautical” theme for a weekend excursion, to weekend camping trips in Texas with other swingers. There’s a whole section of happenings listed on Kasidie under their Events section, but we’re sure there are other ways to find bigger parties and excursions like this that don’t involve a flight to Mexico or the Carribean!
Of course, there are other ways to figure out where the swingers are, but these are the methods we use. Remember- you can go at your own speed. You can always opt to simply explore and not participate, consent is a must and if it’s not a “hell yes,” it’s a “hell no.”
You may need to experiment a bit to find what types of atmospheres you prefer to meet people- we prefer house parties, but didn’t get invited to them until we met a few fun couples at clubs and meetups, so you may need to mix it up and try a few things to get your foot in the door.
Like with any community, you’ll need to experiment and invest some time into finding the right fit, so don’t stress too much and have fun. It’s all a big adventure!