Why We Became Swingers

As of this writing, my partner and I are relatively new to swinging.  We’re totally fumbly little children learning how to navigate the lifestyle waters, but it’s been an exciting time of exploration, a few mistakes and a lot of learning about ourselves and what we want.

Many couples out there come to explore the lifestyle after being married for awhile and wanting to explore new avenues of their partnership.  When myself and Mr. Sprinkles (ha, I just love calling him that!) first started dating, we toyed with the idea, but we weren’t ready to take the leap for about a good year and a half into our relationship.

At first, we explored Life on the Swingset, and wanted to find clubs locally- but were overwhelmed and unsure.  Besides the aforementioned blog & podcast, the rest of the sites out there were super shady looking, circa 1999 with horrible looking websites that just screamed “identity theft” or “getting murdered on the wrong side of the glory hole.”

Two years ago, we wanted to explore, but we weren’t ready. Fast forward to now, and we’re exploring things on Kasidie.com (which admittedly still looks shady but isn’t) and meeting other couples just to get to know the scene, admittedly-we’re still very green but even dipping our toes in the water has blown our mind a few times to what’s out there and all the exciting facets of our identities to explore.

But how did we get here?

When the fella and I got together, we had both come from relationships that seemed stifling, and connected on the fact that falling in love with someone, while awesome, usually meant the death of exploration.  While most of us know that monogamy closes doors, we saw plenty of couples who got together or got married and effectively stopped the clock on their development and usually, to some degree lamented that fact.

We were very happy to fall in love, and we were also happy to close certain doors in order to maintain the relationship, but we also realized we couldn’t be each other’s “everything.”  I myself, give a hearty eye roll to the whole “bachelor/bachelorette” culture that when you find your better half, you get one final night of freedom before you effectively go to do some hard years in monogamy jail.

NolaStreet1

I love the idea of a New Orleans funeral, but I don’t want my bachelorette party to feel like one.

To me, it seemed really, really sad that such a special and heartfelt commitment also meant the sacrifice of freedom, adventure and bachelorette parties are like an odd, sadder version of a New Orleans funeral and I want no part of it.  I’m not ready to hit the snooze button on the rest of my life – and luckily it doesn’t have to be that way.

My partner and I also ascribe to the belief that we don’t own people, even if we love them.  Not only do we strongly feel that we can’t, nor do we want to be, each other’s “everything,” as society would have us believe, but we also feel we can’t fulfill all of their needs, wants and curiosities for the rest of their lifespans.

It’s odd to us that people get weirded out thinking of their partner with their ex, or that they feel jealous if their significant other has opposite sex friends.  Do we get jealous and insecure, you betcha- but usually those insecurities are the result of old baggage and emotional triggers that usually have everything to do with us and little to do with our partners.

My partner and I are looking to build a life together that’s going to survive over the long haul- especially faced with divorce rates and all that’s involved, and we don’t want our commitment to each other to overshadow our the very spirit of adventure and commitment to get the most out of life that brought us together in the first place.

So, that’s why we’re entering the world of swing- because we love each other and we still love having a spirit of adventure which typical vanilla dating and the expectations long term monogamy can beat out of you over time.

This is just the tip of the iceberg- we are still sussing out our viewpoints and exploring a whole new world, which sometimes makes it challenging to put it into a blog post, but I’m hoping to assemble my thoughts a bit more coherently as time goes on, we shall see!

 

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  1. You and your man sound so similar me and mine. Stifling former relationships, connecting immediately about exploring swinging & group fantasies, and even now we’re just starting to dip out toe into the lifestyle. I’d love to chat sometime about how you and he are finding it and your exploration in general 🙂

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