Reflections on a Week At Desire
We booked our trip to Desire for the Swingset Takeover back in April. At that point, we were really new to the lifestyle and hoped we’d be ready for the trip by the time it arrived. We both had our reservations about the trip- the male half of this twosome was a bit worried about being naked all the time and what that would feel like, and I was wondering how a new play atmosphere that we hadn’t encountered before, would end up panning out logistically.
If you’re not familiar with Life on the Swingset, it’s one of my favorite resources about swinging, with a podcast and site that make the lifestyle accessible and do an excellent job of helping newbies tackle the awkward parts of swinging that simply don’t get enough play elsewhere- like negotiating boundaries, coping with jealous, safer sex practices and disclosure and of course other topics like BDSM, polyamory, and pegging.
Once a year, the Swingset crew does a takeover of the Desire Resort in Cancun, and this was the first year the entire resort was about completely booked by Swingset listeners and their networks. That being said, this was a big selling point for me- a crowd that was about inclusivity, communication and safe exploration.
I really wanted to be with a group that wasn’t going to pressure us to overdrink (a problem we’ve had at a few events we’ve been to where drinking to excess is the first step to an exchange than open communication, which is really freaky to us), and instead would be big on disclosure, communication and safer sex practices. To us, that’s sexy!
My costume for Bods In Space night… a Tardis-esque corset with nerdy accents.
The Takeover is characterized by 7 nights of themed parties that attendees voted on previously, and plenty of sessions and classes that can somewhat make the vacation feel sort of like a swinger conference on the beach.
The trip to Desire was not what we expected- and when I say that, it was because we had no idea what to expect, beyond knowing that the crowd would be excellent. We had hoped to do a lot more planning and networking with fellow Takeover attendees beforehand, except that didn’t happen. With an intense project at work, and long hours- both of us ended up scrambling to get costumes and prepare for the trip literally days before.
So, what’d we think? We came exhausted, and we stayed exhausted. The dude ended up getting a sore throat on the flight over, and a full blown head cold the day after we arrived. Despite my attempts to stay healthy, the fatigue of the last few weeks had kicked in and my immune system was no match- we both had stuffy heads, runny noses and a terrible cough for the greater half of the trip. Eating dinner was exhausting, we usually ended up going back to the room because the rich food (which was yummy) left me ready for bed.
The mood of the group was welcoming and inclusive, but I think we underestimated the energy we’d need to really make it the best experience possible. Not only were we sick, but we were run down from weeks of late nights and early mornings, and we both felt a desperate need for respite, not to mingle and party (and besides, we didn’t want to give anyone a cold).
Couple my exhaustion, foggy head and constant cough with some tumultuous election results on Tuesday night and I felt like I was floating off to sea all by myself, and nobody seemed to notice- nor did I expect anyone to. I was on a different wavelength than pretty much everybody, and I’m still not sure if that was a result of exhaustion, or, if I have yet to sort out where we fit.
The infamous hot tub- photo courtesy of TripAdvisor.
I was attempting to stay afloat in the atmosphere while being perpetually tired and genuinely worried about my friends back home and it was like I couldn’t just get on the same energy level with most of the crowd. I need rest and reflection and the time was whizzing by without me. Sigh.
If I had any way to encapsulate our trip to Desire, it would be that it’s an investment.
It’s expensive- which is a given, but if you’re planning on attending, know that there’s also a lofty investment of time, energy and headspace.
To really get the most out of it, invest some time with RocketChat to get to know people ahead of time, invest some time in your costumes, and rest up BEFORE you go. While there is plenty of time and space to retreat and recharge, and the crowd is respectful enough to allow you to do so at your speed, you’ll want to be ready to mingle, which I unfortunately wasn’t.
Pouring from an empty cup…that’s where I was at. I saw Desire as the place to recharge (as I typically do when I’m on the beach) but really, don’t run yourself ragged before the trip- you really miss out on the best parts. It’s not a place to show up weary, like you might on a normal vacation. I knew this wouldn’t be a normal vacation, but I simply couldn’t get the rest I needed ahead of time, I was running to the finish line and didn’t realize that my time off would take more out of me.
I’m typically an extrovert, and on the first day- we got to pick beads that would help people figure out what we were into. I picked the color for extrovert, and surprisingly- for a group of self-proclaimed introverts, I was the wallflower. Lessons learned! From the moment you walk in and are greeted with a hot dude in a speedo serving you champagne, to the moment you leave, you might be a tad overstimulated. It’s not a vacation for the weary!
Our room, a bit basic especially in the bathroom, but the outside is lovely.
If you’re wondering if you should attend Desire with the Swingset crew, I would say yes.
It’s expensive, but the crowd makes it worth it. If you’re new to swinging, you’ll find a respectful bunch of people who are generally more emotionally intelligent and open to communicate before play in a sexy atmosphere to boot. We felt completely comfortable being nude, despite our previous reservations, and we found lots of people to talk to.
If you’re wondering if you should attend Desire without the Swingset crew, I am not sure I could sell you on it.
Desire itself was an interesting experience for an all-inclusive luxury resort. I would say, the resort itself needs some work, and was undergoing some construction while we were there. We had the basic room (second pricing tier), and the shower drove me nuts.
There were no shelves, and the bathroom was poorly constructed and designed, leaving water to drain out all over the floor. The first few days, every shower was filled with curse words, and it was so difficult to shave, I usually had to head back to the room to find spots I’d missed on my legs because I simply couldn’t really get comfortable or shave without water spilling out onto the floor. Yep, I’m a whiner.
Other amenities, that were a given at other all-inclusive we’ve been to in Mexico were a bit lacking. While the fridge was stocked, there were no complimentary snacks in the room as we’ve had with other all-inclusive resorts. Room service came with an $8 charge- and wasn’t part of the package.
So- if you’re going to party hard and have lots of sex, it might be worth the price.
Aside from that, the novelty of being naked and some sexy entertainment and a general erotic atmosphere could be enough of a selling point for you.
If you’re used to getting more mileage out of an all-inclusive, you might find the grounds a bit claustrophobic and the amenities lackluster in comparison to other resorts you might have been to. I would recommend you give it a go, but do more research and rest up..learn from our fail.
Things we loved about the resort- the bars had a few options beyond well liquors (including Johnny Walker Red) and the staff were attentive. While the beds around the pool filled up by 7-8am (people would reserve them in advance) there were plenty of other quiet places you could snag a bed or relax on the beach.
The resort is very small, which has it’s perks- you don’t have to trek a mile to grab breakfast and the bars double as a full service coffee bar in the morning (which somewhat makes up for the fact that the coffee service in room was lacking).
We got a massage while we were there, and ended up using the Eucalyptus sauna several times to try and combat our mutinous sinuses. If you’re a spa aficionado (raises hand), you’ll find it is rather basic, but it does the job for a small resort, and it was about $115 USD for a massage, which is about what you’d expect for a resort service.
So, would we go again? We’re really not sure.
Considering the fact that we didn’t get to enjoy the swinging aspect as much as we would have liked (meaning: almost not at all) due to being under the weather and exhausted, the resort itself wasn’t enough to entice us to come back for the price tag.
We’re on the fence, knowing the people are worth the trip- but we’d need to create more margin in our lives to cushion the emotional and time investment with a vacation like no other in the future.